You can laugh at me (my roommate does), but I admit I love the movie “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and the song “moon river”. I’m by far not as glamorous or fashionable as Audrey Hepburn, but there were always themes that I related to since I first saw the movie.
One might wonder “what does a Latina have in common with a young white girl living in NYC that she can relate?” It’s not easy, but I’ll try my best to explain.
In the movie, Audrey Hepburn played Holly Golightly, a young woman transplanted in the city, trying to find her place in the world. The character finds herself always running...from herself. Trust me I’ve tried, but I can’t run fast enough to get away from myself. I moved to DC knowing only one soul, and with no job secured! Only God knows what he has planned for me, and I’ll keep moving till I get there.
There is the central theme of one’s struggle between the need for stability and the desire for freedom.
- I’ve always had stability, even while growing up in the military and moving every three years my parents made sure we had stability and a constant home. Even if that constant home was in Mexico.
- Yet with all my parents efforts to provide stability I always felt trapped, limited with the desire, hunger for something more. I wanted excitement. I wanted adventure. I wanted the world.
- Today I look for my place in this world. For my own adventure. My own story. I don’t want to look back and regret not having tried.
The theme surrounding the sense that one doesn’t belong because we don’t meet the mainstream’s norm - yes I know I don’t - bring the saying “ni de aqui ni de alla” to mind. Many know the feeling of growing up in this country that we are neither from “here nor there”. For me I was too American to be considered Mexican in Mexico, and in the US I was too Mexican to be considered American or “mainstream American” in the US. Therefore I am not at home...yet.
Then you have me. On the outside quirky, fun, slightly off the norm girl you want to hang out or party with when the opportunity arises, yet deep down she’s scared, alone and trying to fit in and find her place in this world without losing herself. When the party is over everyone leaves and one is left alone to pick up and salvage what's not broken. Only those who have stuck around after seeing me when I am vulnerable are my closest loved ones and true friends. For you I am greatful and blessed to have in my life. I only hope to be able to be there for you when you need someone to hold you up.
(BTW - this was posted after a few glasses of wine so please forgive the grammatical errors)
Lyrics to Moon River
Moon River, wider than a mile:
I'm crossin' you in style someday.
Oh dreammaker, you heartbreaker,
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin'your way.
Two drifters, off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end,
Waitin' round the bend,
My huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
The dating advise from Latino parents that I didn't believe or follow growing up in US
I've received requests by several people to post the rules my mother always wanted me to follow. I didn't post them the first time around because I love my mommy and didn't want people who might not agree with them to criticize her or say anything disrespectful.
You should know that although my mom was more vocal with the advise, my dad agrees with my mom and always provides supporting details. I hope you enjoy the post and find it beneficial, or you could always pick up a copy of "Mars and Venus on a Date" as I had to before I could see the value in my Mom's advise.
My mother told me the following growing up
When a couple starts dating a woman should be receptive to a man's attention, and it is a man's job to win a woman over there for he should:
- let him chase you
- let him pick you up on your date (preferably from your house, but I can see how the following might work in extreme circumstances: airport, metro stop, Am track, work, etc)
- he should plan the date (you should just acknowledge the effort he put in)
- he should pay for the date (I don't care if you are dutch, you don't split the bill)
- don't complain or make negative comments about a location he picked for your date (especially in the beginning of your dating life)
- highlight the positives in your life - don't go over any negative situation you might have had a work, school, etc he will think you are difficult. (wait till you are more serious to show this side)
- DONT have sex, even after you are exclusive you should wait or interest will be lost
(my mother said till marriage, but that can be really hard in our society. Relationship therapists say you should wait till a couple has reached a level of intimacy that includes emotional, spiritual, and mental. I know society tell us we need to try out the goods before we buy, but do we really want to judge a person's relationship worth on sex? Not just that, but do we really want someone to judge our relationship worth on sex?)
- don't fret if he doesn't call. You will only drive yourself nuts wondering why he hasn't called when you could be out having fun with your friends or on other dates.
- don't call him (really don't call him)
- if you break up, don't take him back move on to someone new
- don't be afraid to be single (men can sense this)
- have mutual respect for one another (if he does/says something that is disrespectful or offends you politely let him know. If he knowingly does it again, move on)
- don't spend all your free time with him
I realize that many of these rules are not easy to follow once we are in our 20's or 30's because we are so use to our own ways. Although I am guilty of having broken many of these I think they are worth trying seeing all the mistakes I have made.
You should know that although my mom was more vocal with the advise, my dad agrees with my mom and always provides supporting details. I hope you enjoy the post and find it beneficial, or you could always pick up a copy of "Mars and Venus on a Date" as I had to before I could see the value in my Mom's advise.
My mother told me the following growing up
When a couple starts dating a woman should be receptive to a man's attention, and it is a man's job to win a woman over there for he should:
- let him chase you
- let him pick you up on your date (preferably from your house, but I can see how the following might work in extreme circumstances: airport, metro stop, Am track, work, etc)
- he should plan the date (you should just acknowledge the effort he put in)
- he should pay for the date (I don't care if you are dutch, you don't split the bill)
- don't complain or make negative comments about a location he picked for your date (especially in the beginning of your dating life)
- highlight the positives in your life - don't go over any negative situation you might have had a work, school, etc he will think you are difficult. (wait till you are more serious to show this side)
- DONT have sex, even after you are exclusive you should wait or interest will be lost
(my mother said till marriage, but that can be really hard in our society. Relationship therapists say you should wait till a couple has reached a level of intimacy that includes emotional, spiritual, and mental. I know society tell us we need to try out the goods before we buy, but do we really want to judge a person's relationship worth on sex? Not just that, but do we really want someone to judge our relationship worth on sex?)
- don't fret if he doesn't call. You will only drive yourself nuts wondering why he hasn't called when you could be out having fun with your friends or on other dates.
- don't call him (really don't call him)
- if you break up, don't take him back move on to someone new
- don't be afraid to be single (men can sense this)
- have mutual respect for one another (if he does/says something that is disrespectful or offends you politely let him know. If he knowingly does it again, move on)
- don't spend all your free time with him
I realize that many of these rules are not easy to follow once we are in our 20's or 30's because we are so use to our own ways. Although I am guilty of having broken many of these I think they are worth trying seeing all the mistakes I have made.
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