I have led a great life! Although it hasn’t always been perfect or what some would consider conventional I have never lacked for anything, it's been exciting, filled with interesting people and my biggest blessing has been being surrounded by love from my family and friends. I have to admit that 2005 so far was the most difficult year I have experienced to date.
Shortly after my birthday, one of the worst things that could ever happen to anyone happened to me. Only a small number of people know what happened and that's how it will stay, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Some might judge me or say that I should have said something or done something about it. I can't blame them for feeling that way because before this I would have been saying the same thing, but the emotions that one goes through, the confusion, one's wish to ignore and forget and the fear make the choices, not the person.
The stress and emotional baggage from the incident that I was carrying inside took a toll on my health. Later that year I got sick and had to have an uncomfortable test done only to be told to have more - I didn't get them done only because I started feeling better. I don’t know how, but I was somehow managing to keep it together.
After moving forward, other symptoms I had been ignoring caught up with me, and I found out that I'm hypoglycemic, aka low-blood sugar. I was so upset. I was still trying to make sense of the incidents that had taken place earlier this only added to the list.
I think what was so hard was the lack of control. I had no control over what happened, and now no control over my body. So I had to do something that would give me back that sense of control. So I started working out and being better about what I put into my body. The changes were slow and on and off. But then I would suffer the consequences for not listening to my body.
I didn't want to be sick, I wanted to be young and carefree like my friends. I hated having to explain to my friends what was wrong especially when I was trying to understand myself.
As difficult as that year was, I am glad for the people who were in it. although it was tough for them too, and they might not have agreed with some of the choices I made they were always there to give me strength.
Today I have a better grasp on my on how to control my sugar levels, that it doesn’t affect my daily life as it once did. An even greater achievement is I no longer have nightmares, live in fear or blame myself for what happened.
Things happen for a reason as to why that horrible situation took place I still don't know, but as they say “no hay mal que por bien no venga”, and this did prove to me how strong I am. I no longer question my strength... or my faith.
Oddly enough I found my faith again. but none of this came easily or fast. I learned the meaning of what my grandmother once told me “Dios aprieta pero no ahoga” (it’s amazing how small comments that one makes can stick with us and change our world).
