Apenas pude abrir mis ojos esta mañana. My eyes were so swollen that I barely recognized my reflection – it was not the beautiful girl we are use to seeing :-P
After seeing my reflection, eyes swollen after I cried myself to sleep, and even during my sleep, I couldn’t deny that his despedida or decision to move on had affected me. Even I was surprised at how much it did. I didn’t think I had been attached.
Después de todo I was the one who was doing everything by the book, rules, whatever you want to call it. Yo era la que no lo llamaba. Yo salía con mis amigas/amigos. I was taking my time trying to figure out how the rules worked and how I could prevent making my past mistakes – running away.
I said it. I run away from relationships. No se porque lo hago. If I new why I did it I wouldn’t do it. And please don’t think I had a trauma growing up or have daddy issues. My parents have been together for more than 30 years. My father has been in love with my mother since he was 10 (although she didn’t accept to go out with him until she was in her 20s) and loves her more than anyone else. It’s true, he’s always told us. We can discuss this in a sep. post.
“Alma, you need to get up and go for a run,” was my roommate’s encouragement at 6 am.
Tired and upset (not at her) I told her to leave me alone, but she laughed and told me again I needed to go running. She was right. I needed to run, but not for fitness. I needed to run for clarity. I started running as soon as I walked out the door. I ran harder than I had in weeks. Sin parar, I just kept running until I reached the White House. With Salsa music coming out of my headphones and the endorphins running through my body I was smiling.
I realized I had so many great things going on that deserved my attention and gratitude. My family is now safe, I’m healthy, I’m almost done with grad school at Georgetown – my dream school & I have a job that I love and will be able to do more online & social media marketing. Not to mention I have great friends and a fun social life. Some might say that’s shallow, but I think working hard deserves to be rewarded with play.
With my new perspective I still gave myself room to feel sad, because it’s ok to be honest with ourselves and our emotions. I think giving myself permission to feel my emotions allowed for them to pass by quickly because this afternoon I definitely have big smile on my face. I had incredible news from my boss, had lunch with my dear friend/birthday twin @lesliequander and @julito77 gave me an awesome #VivaViernes shoutout.
Now all I can say is pobre, pendejo that set me free (he he) because now I will be a single girl for my friend’s birthday weekend in Atlantic City!
