You can laugh at me (my roommate does), but I admit I love the movie “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and the song “moon river”. I’m by far not as glamorous or fashionable as Audrey Hepburn, but there were always themes that I related to since I first saw the movie.
One might wonder “what does a Latina have in common with a young white girl living in NYC that she can relate?” It’s not easy, but I’ll try my best to explain.
In the movie, Audrey Hepburn played Holly Golightly, a young woman transplanted in the city, trying to find her place in the world. The character finds herself always running...from herself. Trust me I’ve tried, but I can’t run fast enough to get away from myself. I moved to DC knowing only one soul, and with no job secured! Only God knows what he has planned for me, and I’ll keep moving till I get there.
There is the central theme of one’s struggle between the need for stability and the desire for freedom.
- I’ve always had stability, even while growing up in the military and moving every three years my parents made sure we had stability and a constant home. Even if that constant home was in Mexico.
- Yet with all my parents efforts to provide stability I always felt trapped, limited with the desire, hunger for something more. I wanted excitement. I wanted adventure. I wanted the world.
- Today I look for my place in this world. For my own adventure. My own story. I don’t want to look back and regret not having tried.
The theme surrounding the sense that one doesn’t belong because we don’t meet the mainstream’s norm - yes I know I don’t - bring the saying “ni de aqui ni de alla” to mind. Many know the feeling of growing up in this country that we are neither from “here nor there”. For me I was too American to be considered Mexican in Mexico, and in the US I was too Mexican to be considered American or “mainstream American” in the US. Therefore I am not at home...yet.
Then you have me. On the outside quirky, fun, slightly off the norm girl you want to hang out or party with when the opportunity arises, yet deep down she’s scared, alone and trying to fit in and find her place in this world without losing herself. When the party is over everyone leaves and one is left alone to pick up and salvage what's not broken. Only those who have stuck around after seeing me when I am vulnerable are my closest loved ones and true friends. For you I am greatful and blessed to have in my life. I only hope to be able to be there for you when you need someone to hold you up.
(BTW - this was posted after a few glasses of wine so please forgive the grammatical errors)
Lyrics to Moon River
Moon River, wider than a mile:
I'm crossin' you in style someday.
Oh dreammaker, you heartbreaker,
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin'your way.
Two drifters, off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end,
Waitin' round the bend,
My huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
The dating advise from Latino parents that I didn't believe or follow growing up in US
I've received requests by several people to post the rules my mother always wanted me to follow. I didn't post them the first time around because I love my mommy and didn't want people who might not agree with them to criticize her or say anything disrespectful.
You should know that although my mom was more vocal with the advise, my dad agrees with my mom and always provides supporting details. I hope you enjoy the post and find it beneficial, or you could always pick up a copy of "Mars and Venus on a Date" as I had to before I could see the value in my Mom's advise.
My mother told me the following growing up
When a couple starts dating a woman should be receptive to a man's attention, and it is a man's job to win a woman over there for he should:
- let him chase you
- let him pick you up on your date (preferably from your house, but I can see how the following might work in extreme circumstances: airport, metro stop, Am track, work, etc)
- he should plan the date (you should just acknowledge the effort he put in)
- he should pay for the date (I don't care if you are dutch, you don't split the bill)
- don't complain or make negative comments about a location he picked for your date (especially in the beginning of your dating life)
- highlight the positives in your life - don't go over any negative situation you might have had a work, school, etc he will think you are difficult. (wait till you are more serious to show this side)
- DONT have sex, even after you are exclusive you should wait or interest will be lost
(my mother said till marriage, but that can be really hard in our society. Relationship therapists say you should wait till a couple has reached a level of intimacy that includes emotional, spiritual, and mental. I know society tell us we need to try out the goods before we buy, but do we really want to judge a person's relationship worth on sex? Not just that, but do we really want someone to judge our relationship worth on sex?)
- don't fret if he doesn't call. You will only drive yourself nuts wondering why he hasn't called when you could be out having fun with your friends or on other dates.
- don't call him (really don't call him)
- if you break up, don't take him back move on to someone new
- don't be afraid to be single (men can sense this)
- have mutual respect for one another (if he does/says something that is disrespectful or offends you politely let him know. If he knowingly does it again, move on)
- don't spend all your free time with him
I realize that many of these rules are not easy to follow once we are in our 20's or 30's because we are so use to our own ways. Although I am guilty of having broken many of these I think they are worth trying seeing all the mistakes I have made.
You should know that although my mom was more vocal with the advise, my dad agrees with my mom and always provides supporting details. I hope you enjoy the post and find it beneficial, or you could always pick up a copy of "Mars and Venus on a Date" as I had to before I could see the value in my Mom's advise.
My mother told me the following growing up
When a couple starts dating a woman should be receptive to a man's attention, and it is a man's job to win a woman over there for he should:
- let him chase you
- let him pick you up on your date (preferably from your house, but I can see how the following might work in extreme circumstances: airport, metro stop, Am track, work, etc)
- he should plan the date (you should just acknowledge the effort he put in)
- he should pay for the date (I don't care if you are dutch, you don't split the bill)
- don't complain or make negative comments about a location he picked for your date (especially in the beginning of your dating life)
- highlight the positives in your life - don't go over any negative situation you might have had a work, school, etc he will think you are difficult. (wait till you are more serious to show this side)
- DONT have sex, even after you are exclusive you should wait or interest will be lost
(my mother said till marriage, but that can be really hard in our society. Relationship therapists say you should wait till a couple has reached a level of intimacy that includes emotional, spiritual, and mental. I know society tell us we need to try out the goods before we buy, but do we really want to judge a person's relationship worth on sex? Not just that, but do we really want someone to judge our relationship worth on sex?)
- don't fret if he doesn't call. You will only drive yourself nuts wondering why he hasn't called when you could be out having fun with your friends or on other dates.
- don't call him (really don't call him)
- if you break up, don't take him back move on to someone new
- don't be afraid to be single (men can sense this)
- have mutual respect for one another (if he does/says something that is disrespectful or offends you politely let him know. If he knowingly does it again, move on)
- don't spend all your free time with him
I realize that many of these rules are not easy to follow once we are in our 20's or 30's because we are so use to our own ways. Although I am guilty of having broken many of these I think they are worth trying seeing all the mistakes I have made.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
My Mother's Dating Rules
I found myself in my twenties admitting that I had no clue to what dating was all about. Latinas are not brought up to date...or so I thought.
My mom had given my sister and me dating advise when we entered our teens. Of course I didn’t listen. I just thought “This is the US, not Mexico. Las cosas son diferente en este pais.”
I tried to find answers to the questions I had and learn the rules by watching TV, reading the fashion magazines (that will go unnamed). All that did was lead to mistakes, more questions and frustrations. Some of the information I read was so ridiculous that no woman (especially a Latina) with any self respect would follow.
At one point I just thought I would accept the old man’s marriage proposal (that’s a future post) if I never figured it (dating) out. Then a few weeks at the Phoenix airport I came across the book “Mars and Venus on a Date” by John Gray, Ph.D. the author of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.
I quickly bought the book thinking “At last, something that will explain this to me.” It’s a great book, that taught me that my mother was right.
“AGH!!!” I say this as I throw my hands in the air, frustrated and upset as I think about all the trouble I could have saved myself, not to mention $15, if I had just listened to my mother!!
I realize that the words my mom shared with me wasn’t traditional, old fashion or customs from “the old country” , but insight to the male and female psychology that goes beyond borders and customs. My mother wasn’t giving me her dating advice to keep me from having fun. On the contrary she wanted me to know the rules so that I could fully experience dating and actually have fun instead of wasting so much time asking questions.
My mom doesn’t have a Ph.D or best seller, but she could easily have had both had she not dedicated her life to her children, and for that I will always be grateful. When I confessed to her that she had been right about dating she laughed and told me to send my sister a copy.
My mom had given my sister and me dating advise when we entered our teens. Of course I didn’t listen. I just thought “This is the US, not Mexico. Las cosas son diferente en este pais.”
I tried to find answers to the questions I had and learn the rules by watching TV, reading the fashion magazines (that will go unnamed). All that did was lead to mistakes, more questions and frustrations. Some of the information I read was so ridiculous that no woman (especially a Latina) with any self respect would follow.
At one point I just thought I would accept the old man’s marriage proposal (that’s a future post) if I never figured it (dating) out. Then a few weeks at the Phoenix airport I came across the book “Mars and Venus on a Date” by John Gray, Ph.D. the author of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.
I quickly bought the book thinking “At last, something that will explain this to me.” It’s a great book, that taught me that my mother was right.
“AGH!!!” I say this as I throw my hands in the air, frustrated and upset as I think about all the trouble I could have saved myself, not to mention $15, if I had just listened to my mother!!
I realize that the words my mom shared with me wasn’t traditional, old fashion or customs from “the old country” , but insight to the male and female psychology that goes beyond borders and customs. My mother wasn’t giving me her dating advice to keep me from having fun. On the contrary she wanted me to know the rules so that I could fully experience dating and actually have fun instead of wasting so much time asking questions.
My mom doesn’t have a Ph.D or best seller, but she could easily have had both had she not dedicated her life to her children, and for that I will always be grateful. When I confessed to her that she had been right about dating she laughed and told me to send my sister a copy.
Friday, June 27, 2008
A girl can get lost under these deep city lights
And if you’re me then you can bet money it will happen.
Wednesday night I attended the Robert Scoble & Gary Vaynerchuk D.C. Bash in Dupont. It was great catching up with people I hadn’t seen in weeks and meeting new ones. The free wine was also a plus!
Ended the night having dinner with my friend Dre and decided to walk home from Dupont. Sounds simple. As I leave the restaurant I realized I had 3 text messages from A.L who I had seen earlier at the bash. I always love talking to A.L. (and via text included) and the text conversation began. Before I knew it I had arrived to the national monument! I had been so engrossed in my text conversation that I didn’t realize I had been walking in the opposite direction.
I start to panic. I tell myself I am not lost because I know exactly where I am. However, it doesn’t help because I have no idea how I am going to get home with no cash on me. It’s too far for me to walk home at this point, and too late for me to even try that if I did it is just asking for a rape or a mugging.
I start walking home in 3 inch heels keeping my eyes open for a bus, metro stop or ATM machine. I don’t come across any of those items, and decide to try my luck with a cab. Someone was looking out for me, or I must have been a very smooth talker because the first cab I hailed agreed to take me home.
I made it home that night with just enough time to wake up my roommate and tell her all about my night. =) She’s going to return the favor one night.
Wednesday night I attended the Robert Scoble & Gary Vaynerchuk D.C. Bash in Dupont. It was great catching up with people I hadn’t seen in weeks and meeting new ones. The free wine was also a plus!
Ended the night having dinner with my friend Dre and decided to walk home from Dupont. Sounds simple. As I leave the restaurant I realized I had 3 text messages from A.L who I had seen earlier at the bash. I always love talking to A.L. (and via text included) and the text conversation began. Before I knew it I had arrived to the national monument! I had been so engrossed in my text conversation that I didn’t realize I had been walking in the opposite direction.
I start to panic. I tell myself I am not lost because I know exactly where I am. However, it doesn’t help because I have no idea how I am going to get home with no cash on me. It’s too far for me to walk home at this point, and too late for me to even try that if I did it is just asking for a rape or a mugging.
I start walking home in 3 inch heels keeping my eyes open for a bus, metro stop or ATM machine. I don’t come across any of those items, and decide to try my luck with a cab. Someone was looking out for me, or I must have been a very smooth talker because the first cab I hailed agreed to take me home.
I made it home that night with just enough time to wake up my roommate and tell her all about my night. =) She’s going to return the favor one night.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Told CM
This morning at work I told CM about my ADHD. I hope he doesn't use that against me.
It isn't information I share with many people especially people at work. It's information I am still trying to understand and don't need for others to pass judgement or label me.
It isn't information I share with many people especially people at work. It's information I am still trying to understand and don't need for others to pass judgement or label me.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
You don’t look Hispanic
Nothing offends me more than when someone says to me "You don't look Hispanic" or "Well, you're not really Hispanic".
When I was younger I would think "WTF, I look like my family (which still lives in Mexico) what am I supposed to look like?" or "Que no me ven el nopal en la frente?" Today, I tell myself it is out of ignorance, and try my best to educate him/her that we (Hispanic/Latinos) are not a race and that Latin America is made up of different cultures.
Although I don't agree with the comment that I don't look Hispanic, I can understand why some people would say it. Thanks to TV many have the idea that Hispanics/Latinos are short, dark and poor. I'm 5'6", white skin that doesn't tan, strong facial features and naturally light hair (I dye it black) and think I look just as Hispanic/Latino as Jennifer Lopez, George Lopez or as the man I use to buy my burritos at lunch from his lonchera.
The comment I don't understand and take an even bigger offense is when people say I am not a real Hispanic or act like one. Hmmm.... how am I supposed to act?
Submissive?
Maybe bring tamales for everyone in the office?
Or as a hot tamale and use my sexuality to get by?
Fat chance I am or will ever be any of the above!
The funny thing about all this is I spent the majority of my childhood in Mexico, and spoke no English when I started school in the states (ni una groceria sabia decir en Ingles).
Yet I'm not a real Hispanic/Latino.
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