Finding strength & happiness after losing work & love - Encontrando fuerza y felicidad después de perder el trabajo y el amor

During the last week in February I went from being in a relationship with a guy who many would call “a catch”, and having a job to being single and unemployed. He was out of the picture on Sunday and I was laid off on Tuesday.

When I left him on Sunday, I thought “maybe I should have tried harder? After all he was everything I said I ever wanted.” Everyone loved him...everyone except me. Yet, I knew I had made the right choice when I felt relieved that it was over.

Then on Tuesday I was informed of work reduction, and provided with severance pay. The decision caught my colleagues by surprise - they didn’t know until I told them. Some were worried that the losing my job and boyfriend within two days was going to be too much. Confieso (i admit) that at first being unemployed 3000 miles away from my family was a little scary, but only because it was a new situation for me.

Latinas are strong, and I am no exception. Life has many set backs, piedras por el camino, but we always find our way and come out stronger. I learned to be strong from the women in my family, starting with my grandmother. She immigrated to the US with my dad and his sister, and cleaned homes and worked the fields for a living. She didn’t know anyone, have a job or know English when she arrived in California, but that didn’t stop her. When I lost my job I remembered my grandmother, and realized I have her strength and resources to move forward. I know English, have great friends, loving family, money, a bachelor's and Im attending Georgetown for my master’s - I am the girl who has everything! Once I realized this I stopped being scared and began planning my next steps.

I hesitated writing about recent events, but realized that there are many Latina’s who might be going through similar events and they needed to know they weren’t alone. We (Latinos) have come along way, and although there is still more for us to achieve we just have to stick together and help each other out.

In addition to friends and former colleagues I have used the sites below to research job openings. If you know of any and would like share them please send them to me or post them as a comment. I wish everyone the best of look in their job search.

Public Relations Society of America
International Association of Business Communicators
New Media and Digital Media Community and Jobs
USA Jobs
Twitter
My Work Butterfly
Job Fox
Craigslist
Monster

How did you arrive to the United States?

I was on a date recently with someone I met at church. Although he wasn’t Latino, the fact that he was catholic was enough to get my mother excited. Yet, the person who should have been excited about him - me - wasn’t. This was my attempt to move past CM.

We were getting to know each other, talking about the normal topics people discuss on a date (i.e.work, family, friends, movies, music, etc), and to my surprise I found myself enjoying the evening. Sadly that mood was quickly killed.

After we ordered dinner, he asked “So how did you arrive to the United States?”

My first thought was “WTF”, but I calmly and politely answered “I was born here.”

My name, and the blog give it away I am a Latina/Hispanic, however I am a US citizen. I notice that many times people make the mistake and think that Latinos/Hispanics living in the United States immigrated (legally/illegally), but the reality is many of us were born here. We are proud of being American and Latino/Hispanic, except one is our nationality and one is our cultura.

My date and I discussed this, and he saw where what he said could come off as offensive. Unfortunately for other reasons there will not be another date.

The dating advise from Latino parents that I didn't believe or follow growing up in US

I've received requests by several people to post the rules my mother always wanted me to follow. I didn't post them the first time around because I love my mommy and didn't want people who might not agree with them to criticize her or say anything disrespectful.

You should know that although my mom was more vocal with the advise, my dad agrees with my mom and always provides supporting details. I hope you enjoy the post and find it beneficial, or you could always pick up a copy of "Mars and Venus on a Date" as I had to before I could see the value in my Mom's advise.

My mother told me the following growing up

When a couple starts dating a woman should be receptive to a man's attention, and it is a man's job to win a woman over there for he should:

- let him chase you

- let him pick you up on your date (preferably from your house, but I can see how the following might work in extreme circumstances: airport, metro stop, Am track, work, etc)

- he should plan the date (you should just acknowledge the effort he put in)

- he should pay for the date (I don't care if you are dutch, you don't split the bill)

- don't complain or make negative comments about a location he picked for your date (especially in the beginning of your dating life)

- highlight the positives in your life - don't go over any negative situation you might have had a work, school, etc he will think you are difficult. (wait till you are more serious to show this side)

- DONT have sex, even after you are exclusive you should wait or interest will be lost
(my mother said till marriage, but that can be really hard in our society. Relationship therapists say you should wait till a couple has reached a level of intimacy that includes emotional, spiritual, and mental. I know society tell us we need to try out the goods before we buy, but do we really want to judge a person's relationship worth on sex? Not just that, but do we really want someone to judge our relationship worth on sex?)

- don't fret if he doesn't call. You will only drive yourself nuts wondering why he hasn't called when you could be out having fun with your friends or on other dates.

- don't call him (really don't call him)

- if you break up, don't take him back move on to someone new

- don't be afraid to be single (men can sense this)

- have mutual respect for one another (if he does/says something that is disrespectful or offends you politely let him know. If he knowingly does it again, move on)

- don't spend all your free time with him

I realize that many of these rules are not easy to follow once we are in our 20's or 30's because we are so use to our own ways. Although I am guilty of having broken many of these I think they are worth trying seeing all the mistakes I have made.