How did you arrive to the United States?

I was on a date recently with someone I met at church. Although he wasn’t Latino, the fact that he was catholic was enough to get my mother excited. Yet, the person who should have been excited about him - me - wasn’t. This was my attempt to move past CM.

We were getting to know each other, talking about the normal topics people discuss on a date (i.e.work, family, friends, movies, music, etc), and to my surprise I found myself enjoying the evening. Sadly that mood was quickly killed.

After we ordered dinner, he asked “So how did you arrive to the United States?”

My first thought was “WTF”, but I calmly and politely answered “I was born here.”

My name, and the blog give it away I am a Latina/Hispanic, however I am a US citizen. I notice that many times people make the mistake and think that Latinos/Hispanics living in the United States immigrated (legally/illegally), but the reality is many of us were born here. We are proud of being American and Latino/Hispanic, except one is our nationality and one is our cultura.

My date and I discussed this, and he saw where what he said could come off as offensive. Unfortunately for other reasons there will not be another date.

You're a healthy, attractive Latina in your twenties...Why don't you have any kids? Si quieres hijos verdad?

In the past few weeks life took over and I had to play catch up. Now I’m trying to mix both worlds - my world and the world that revolves around me (I’m kidding I know it doesn’t).

Today I was reminded that being a healthy single Latina in my twenties I had a lot more catching up to than my laundry and learning to dance Salsa. I was told that at my age I needed to settle down with a good man and start having children before it was too late.

“Es tu obligacion como mujer. Si quieres hijos verdad?”

This didn’t even come from my mother or from my aunts in Mexico, but from someone I had just met and here in DC! I know she meant well, and I didn’t take offense.

I do want to have a family one day, but I don’t think it’s my obligation to fill the world with mini-Almas. Con una basta!

I gave the trademark response, “Si quiero tener mi propia familia pero por el momento no tengo pareja, ni estoy casada. Yo creo que todo vendra a su tiempo.”

She didn’t find the fact that I was single, or that I thought everything would come with time reason enough for me to hold off on having kids and told me that I made good money and that I should just have them on my own...before my eggs get old.

I guess I should have been more specific and said that I didn’t have a sperm donor, but I found this both funny and depressing.

So to cheer me up I went and had my eye brows threaded this evening and plan to go out share a pitcher of margaritas. Who knows maybe this way I’ll across a sperm donor!

Just kidding, I don’t want to deal with no cigs and alcohol; stretch marks, gas and hemorrhoids for nine months alone with no partner to suffer with me or “baby daddy” drama for the next 20 years of my life.

I’m Mexican I was taught to make salsa not dance salsa

I love to dance. I’m not the best dancer, but I don’t care. I love the expression, the music and the workout it provides.

Latinos we love music and we love to dance. In DC I’ve noticed that not only can the majority of Latinos dance, but they would put the participants in Bailando por un Sueño, So you think you can Dance, and Dancing with the Stars to shame.

Recently I went out with DC’s Latino Professionals for a night out in the city. We proved no one can do it like Latinos!

That night my FH tried to teach me how to dance Salsa. I was surprised by two things: One that he could dance and two that he was patient to try and teach me.

I can dance salsa as long as I don’t have to touch or follow. He wanted to dance together (holding each other) which would require me to follow.

He said “It’s ok just trust me.”

“I want to but it’s not that easy for me,” I said. I’m too independent that even on the dance floor I can’t let myself go and be dependent on someone else.

Laughing I told him “FH I’m Mexican I was taught how to make salsa, not dance salsa”

“Really, you can make salsa? What kinds of salsas can you make?” he asked a little to excited.

So now I have to learn to make 5 different kinds of salsa because I don’t consider pico (tomatoes, onion, cilantro jalapeño and lime) a salsa, at least one that will do my mother and grandmother justice.

I have also signed up to take salsa lessons with the one and only Mario Salsa through DC Salsa Productions. According to FH Mario is the best person for the job!!

I’ll be sure to keep everyone posted on my salsa dancing.

A list I am glad I am not on - la lista de las cochinas

I recently found out about a list, la lista de las cochinas. That's definitely one list I am glad I am not on. The list consists of people who have been seen go to the bathroom, and do not wash their hands!!! I don't know the names of everyone on the list, just the name of one person.

Honestly I should not have been so surprised (or disgusted) to find out because her hygiene has been questioned, but how can an adult go to the bathroom and not wash??? It's the first thing parents teach their kids!!! I started to freak out and disgusted when I remembered that I once she gave me a peach.

"Oh, thank you", I said.

"Aren't you going to eat it?"

"Oh I will later after I wash it"

She insisted it was clean, and in an effort to offend her I started eating it.(EWWWWW).

Ewww, now I know why one of my colleagues never accepts fruit from people. From now on I don't think I am accepting any fruit from people. ewwww....

I'm glad I didn't catch her in the bathroom or I would have politely reminded her to wash her hands just as I reminded the woman at the movie theatre when I first moved to DC.

It happened in 2005 - Paso en el 2005

I have led a great life! Although it hasn’t always been perfect or what some would consider conventional I have never lacked for anything, it's been exciting, filled with interesting people and my biggest blessing has been being surrounded by love from my family and friends. I have to admit that 2005 so far was the most difficult year I have experienced to date.

Shortly after my birthday, one of the worst things that could ever happen to anyone happened to me. Only a small number of people know what happened and that's how it will stay, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Some might judge me or say that I should have said something or done something about it. I can't blame them for feeling that way because before this I would have been saying the same thing, but the emotions that one goes through, the confusion, one's wish to ignore and forget and the fear make the choices, not the person.

The stress and emotional baggage from the incident that I was carrying inside took a toll on my health. Later that year I got sick and had to have an uncomfortable test done only to be told to have more - I didn't get them done only because I started feeling better. I don’t know how, but I was somehow managing to keep it together.


After moving forward, other symptoms I had been ignoring caught up with me, and I found out that I'm hypoglycemic, aka low-blood sugar. I was so upset. I was still trying to make sense of the incidents that had taken place earlier this only added to the list.

I think what was so hard was the lack of control. I had no control over what happened, and now no control over my body. So I had to do something that would give me back that sense of control. So I started working out and being better about what I put into my body. The changes were slow and on and off. But then I would suffer the consequences for not listening to my body.

I didn't want to be sick, I wanted to be young and carefree like my friends. I hated having to explain to my friends what was wrong especially when I was trying to understand myself.

As difficult as that year was, I am glad for the people who were in it. although it was tough for them too, and they might not have agreed with some of the choices I made they were always there to give me strength.

Today I have a better grasp on my on how to control my sugar levels, that it doesn’t affect my daily life as it once did. An even greater achievement is I no longer have nightmares, live in fear or blame myself for what happened.

Things happen for a reason as to why that horrible situation took place I still don't know, but as they say “no hay mal que por bien no venga”, and this did prove to me how strong I am. I no longer question my strength... or my faith.

Oddly enough I found my faith again. but none of this came easily or fast. I learned the meaning of what my grandmother once told me “Dios aprieta pero no ahoga” (it’s amazing how small comments that one makes can stick with us and change our world).

En que estaba pensando? I wasn’t thinking!

“En que estaba pensando? I wasn’t thinking!” These past few weeks I found myself borrowing those lines from the words of NIDA’s “After the Party” public service announcement.

Caught in the moment I made a decision on impulse and broke all the rules. All of them!

When my roommate found out she looked at me and said “Alma! Why? After everything that happened?”

“Por pendeja” why else.

Yeah we (CM and me) had a history, but how much is that worth when that history includes him fucking me over?

Background
I wish I could place a picture of what this girl looked like, and a pic of him for that matter, for everyone to see. Seriously. Esta cabrona esta fea, really horrible, horrible. Y aparte de fea es sangrona. Not only is she ugly but she's a bitch (she has two faces) and no interesting personality. However; I’m sure that posting a picture or stating names would bring up lawsuits or all kinds of fun trouble.

I’m not being mean people in our circle would look and express this,
“eww, did you just see CM with X. She’s...ewww”.

I was upset. I was upset at how he handled things. He could have been forward and trust me I wasn’t going to beg or ask why. I would have just walked away, which is exactly what I did.

Although I walked away without saying a word, I admit my self-esteem was hurt a little, and it made me wonder "que tiene ella, que yo no", "no es mas bonita, no es mas simpatica, ni mas inteligente", porque"? Although I have no trouble meeting people or lack attention from men, I wanted it from him.

Sometimes I joke that it would have been easier for me to make sense of it if it was for someone attractive or had a personality or even a for a man. Yes a man because that way I could have said, "Well, just look at him, he’s hot! I would have left too for him”

But I couldn't even say that. I'm laughing as I type this, because is a macho man and would cringe at the thought of a man.

After I walked and decided to move on I thought the best thing to do was avoid contact, interaction, everything, unless absolutely necessary. When there had to be interact I would be nice and as if nothing had happened, but the more I tried to be nice the more of an ass he would be.

Finally I just stopped trying. That only made him worse, and I wasn’t one to back down. He fucked me over again, and this time it was my bread and butter that was going to be affected so I fought back. Le regale una, pero descubrio que una Latina no se deja. La telenovela then became a nightmare - a real scary one.

I was miserable in this situation and just wanted the nightmare to end. Slowly it did.

Today
I don’t know what direction things will take. I’ve seen his ugly side, and I can still see a good side. Even though I broke all the rules I would like to see more of his good side, just as I would like for him to see more of me (I’m more than just a pretty face and a great rack). But I admit a part of me wants to kick him for being an ass =p.

Realistically men are different than women. Men can sleep with women have no feelings involved. For women it's different, and Latina women are different than white women. We need to have feelings before we can sleep with someone (well at least I do). As i mentioned there was a history, but whatever his feelings are/were...well for all I know they could have been non-existent.

Pero en que estaba pensando????

Have you behaved yourself? - Te has portado bien?

It's no secret, I’m a daddy’s girl...and a mommy’s girl. Some have said my sister and I are spoiled, but it’s not our fault that our parents love us.

I speak to my parents regularly and never need a reason to call them - call just to call. If time slips by and I don’t call my mother will call me just to remind me I have a mother.

“Ya se te olvido que tienes una mama?”

I find that hilarious.

My dad likes to tell me they love and miss me. He also likes to ask me how I am behaving.

“De has portado bien?”

“yes. wait, what exactly do you mean when you ask that question?”

I asked because he could have been referring to me paying all my bills, depositing into my Roth IRA, etc.

He laughed and told me they’re done raising me and that at this point I knew.

Sometimes I forget.