I recently found out about a list, la lista de las cochinas. That's definitely one list I am glad I am not on. The list consists of people who have been seen go to the bathroom, and do not wash their hands!!! I don't know the names of everyone on the list, just the name of one person.
Honestly I should not have been so surprised (or disgusted) to find out because her hygiene has been questioned, but how can an adult go to the bathroom and not wash??? It's the first thing parents teach their kids!!! I started to freak out and disgusted when I remembered that I once she gave me a peach.
"Oh, thank you", I said.
"Aren't you going to eat it?"
"Oh I will later after I wash it"
She insisted it was clean, and in an effort to offend her I started eating it.(EWWWWW).
Ewww, now I know why one of my colleagues never accepts fruit from people. From now on I don't think I am accepting any fruit from people. ewwww....
I'm glad I didn't catch her in the bathroom or I would have politely reminded her to wash her hands just as I reminded the woman at the movie theatre when I first moved to DC.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
It happened in 2005 - Paso en el 2005
I have led a great life! Although it hasn’t always been perfect or what some would consider conventional I have never lacked for anything, it's been exciting, filled with interesting people and my biggest blessing has been being surrounded by love from my family and friends. I have to admit that 2005 so far was the most difficult year I have experienced to date.
Shortly after my birthday, one of the worst things that could ever happen to anyone happened to me. Only a small number of people know what happened and that's how it will stay, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Some might judge me or say that I should have said something or done something about it. I can't blame them for feeling that way because before this I would have been saying the same thing, but the emotions that one goes through, the confusion, one's wish to ignore and forget and the fear make the choices, not the person.
The stress and emotional baggage from the incident that I was carrying inside took a toll on my health. Later that year I got sick and had to have an uncomfortable test done only to be told to have more - I didn't get them done only because I started feeling better. I don’t know how, but I was somehow managing to keep it together.
After moving forward, other symptoms I had been ignoring caught up with me, and I found out that I'm hypoglycemic, aka low-blood sugar. I was so upset. I was still trying to make sense of the incidents that had taken place earlier this only added to the list.
I think what was so hard was the lack of control. I had no control over what happened, and now no control over my body. So I had to do something that would give me back that sense of control. So I started working out and being better about what I put into my body. The changes were slow and on and off. But then I would suffer the consequences for not listening to my body.
I didn't want to be sick, I wanted to be young and carefree like my friends. I hated having to explain to my friends what was wrong especially when I was trying to understand myself.
As difficult as that year was, I am glad for the people who were in it. although it was tough for them too, and they might not have agreed with some of the choices I made they were always there to give me strength.
Today I have a better grasp on my on how to control my sugar levels, that it doesn’t affect my daily life as it once did. An even greater achievement is I no longer have nightmares, live in fear or blame myself for what happened.
Things happen for a reason as to why that horrible situation took place I still don't know, but as they say “no hay mal que por bien no venga”, and this did prove to me how strong I am. I no longer question my strength... or my faith.
Oddly enough I found my faith again. but none of this came easily or fast. I learned the meaning of what my grandmother once told me “Dios aprieta pero no ahoga” (it’s amazing how small comments that one makes can stick with us and change our world).
Shortly after my birthday, one of the worst things that could ever happen to anyone happened to me. Only a small number of people know what happened and that's how it will stay, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Some might judge me or say that I should have said something or done something about it. I can't blame them for feeling that way because before this I would have been saying the same thing, but the emotions that one goes through, the confusion, one's wish to ignore and forget and the fear make the choices, not the person.
The stress and emotional baggage from the incident that I was carrying inside took a toll on my health. Later that year I got sick and had to have an uncomfortable test done only to be told to have more - I didn't get them done only because I started feeling better. I don’t know how, but I was somehow managing to keep it together.
After moving forward, other symptoms I had been ignoring caught up with me, and I found out that I'm hypoglycemic, aka low-blood sugar. I was so upset. I was still trying to make sense of the incidents that had taken place earlier this only added to the list.
I think what was so hard was the lack of control. I had no control over what happened, and now no control over my body. So I had to do something that would give me back that sense of control. So I started working out and being better about what I put into my body. The changes were slow and on and off. But then I would suffer the consequences for not listening to my body.
I didn't want to be sick, I wanted to be young and carefree like my friends. I hated having to explain to my friends what was wrong especially when I was trying to understand myself.
As difficult as that year was, I am glad for the people who were in it. although it was tough for them too, and they might not have agreed with some of the choices I made they were always there to give me strength.
Today I have a better grasp on my on how to control my sugar levels, that it doesn’t affect my daily life as it once did. An even greater achievement is I no longer have nightmares, live in fear or blame myself for what happened.
Things happen for a reason as to why that horrible situation took place I still don't know, but as they say “no hay mal que por bien no venga”, and this did prove to me how strong I am. I no longer question my strength... or my faith.
Oddly enough I found my faith again. but none of this came easily or fast. I learned the meaning of what my grandmother once told me “Dios aprieta pero no ahoga” (it’s amazing how small comments that one makes can stick with us and change our world).
Saturday, July 19, 2008
En que estaba pensando? I wasn’t thinking!
“En que estaba pensando? I wasn’t thinking!” These past few weeks I found myself borrowing those lines from the words of NIDA’s “After the Party” public service announcement.
Caught in the moment I made a decision on impulse and broke all the rules. All of them!
When my roommate found out she looked at me and said “Alma! Why? After everything that happened?”
“Por pendeja” why else.
Yeah we (CM and me) had a history, but how much is that worth when that history includes him fucking me over?
Background
I wish I could place a picture of what this girl looked like, and a pic of him for that matter, for everyone to see. Seriously. Esta cabrona esta fea, really horrible, horrible. Y aparte de fea es sangrona. Not only is she ugly but she's a bitch (she has two faces) and no interesting personality. However; I’m sure that posting a picture or stating names would bring up lawsuits or all kinds of fun trouble.
I’m not being mean people in our circle would look and express this,
“eww, did you just see CM with X. She’s...ewww”.
I was upset. I was upset at how he handled things. He could have been forward and trust me I wasn’t going to beg or ask why. I would have just walked away, which is exactly what I did.
Although I walked away without saying a word, I admit my self-esteem was hurt a little, and it made me wonder "que tiene ella, que yo no", "no es mas bonita, no es mas simpatica, ni mas inteligente", porque"? Although I have no trouble meeting people or lack attention from men, I wanted it from him.
Sometimes I joke that it would have been easier for me to make sense of it if it was for someone attractive or had a personality or even a for a man. Yes a man because that way I could have said, "Well, just look at him, he’s hot! I would have left too for him”
But I couldn't even say that. I'm laughing as I type this, because is a macho man and would cringe at the thought of a man.
After I walked and decided to move on I thought the best thing to do was avoid contact, interaction, everything, unless absolutely necessary. When there had to be interact I would be nice and as if nothing had happened, but the more I tried to be nice the more of an ass he would be.
Finally I just stopped trying. That only made him worse, and I wasn’t one to back down. He fucked me over again, and this time it was my bread and butter that was going to be affected so I fought back. Le regale una, pero descubrio que una Latina no se deja. La telenovela then became a nightmare - a real scary one.
I was miserable in this situation and just wanted the nightmare to end. Slowly it did.
Today
I don’t know what direction things will take. I’ve seen his ugly side, and I can still see a good side. Even though I broke all the rules I would like to see more of his good side, just as I would like for him to see more of me (I’m more than just a pretty face and a great rack). But I admit a part of me wants to kick him for being an ass =p.
Realistically men are different than women. Men can sleep with women have no feelings involved. For women it's different, and Latina women are different than white women. We need to have feelings before we can sleep with someone (well at least I do). As i mentioned there was a history, but whatever his feelings are/were...well for all I know they could have been non-existent.
Pero en que estaba pensando????
Caught in the moment I made a decision on impulse and broke all the rules. All of them!
When my roommate found out she looked at me and said “Alma! Why? After everything that happened?”
“Por pendeja” why else.
Yeah we (CM and me) had a history, but how much is that worth when that history includes him fucking me over?
Background
I wish I could place a picture of what this girl looked like, and a pic of him for that matter, for everyone to see. Seriously. Esta cabrona esta fea, really horrible, horrible. Y aparte de fea es sangrona. Not only is she ugly but she's a bitch (she has two faces) and no interesting personality. However; I’m sure that posting a picture or stating names would bring up lawsuits or all kinds of fun trouble.
I’m not being mean people in our circle would look and express this,
“eww, did you just see CM with X. She’s...ewww”.
I was upset. I was upset at how he handled things. He could have been forward and trust me I wasn’t going to beg or ask why. I would have just walked away, which is exactly what I did.
Although I walked away without saying a word, I admit my self-esteem was hurt a little, and it made me wonder "que tiene ella, que yo no", "no es mas bonita, no es mas simpatica, ni mas inteligente", porque"? Although I have no trouble meeting people or lack attention from men, I wanted it from him.
Sometimes I joke that it would have been easier for me to make sense of it if it was for someone attractive or had a personality or even a for a man. Yes a man because that way I could have said, "Well, just look at him, he’s hot! I would have left too for him”
But I couldn't even say that. I'm laughing as I type this, because is a macho man and would cringe at the thought of a man.
After I walked and decided to move on I thought the best thing to do was avoid contact, interaction, everything, unless absolutely necessary. When there had to be interact I would be nice and as if nothing had happened, but the more I tried to be nice the more of an ass he would be.
Finally I just stopped trying. That only made him worse, and I wasn’t one to back down. He fucked me over again, and this time it was my bread and butter that was going to be affected so I fought back. Le regale una, pero descubrio que una Latina no se deja. La telenovela then became a nightmare - a real scary one.
I was miserable in this situation and just wanted the nightmare to end. Slowly it did.
Today
I don’t know what direction things will take. I’ve seen his ugly side, and I can still see a good side. Even though I broke all the rules I would like to see more of his good side, just as I would like for him to see more of me (I’m more than just a pretty face and a great rack). But I admit a part of me wants to kick him for being an ass =p.
Realistically men are different than women. Men can sleep with women have no feelings involved. For women it's different, and Latina women are different than white women. We need to have feelings before we can sleep with someone (well at least I do). As i mentioned there was a history, but whatever his feelings are/were...well for all I know they could have been non-existent.
Pero en que estaba pensando????
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Have you behaved yourself? - Te has portado bien?
It's no secret, I’m a daddy’s girl...and a mommy’s girl. Some have said my sister and I are spoiled, but it’s not our fault that our parents love us.
I speak to my parents regularly and never need a reason to call them - call just to call. If time slips by and I don’t call my mother will call me just to remind me I have a mother.
“Ya se te olvido que tienes una mama?”
I find that hilarious.
My dad likes to tell me they love and miss me. He also likes to ask me how I am behaving.
“De has portado bien?”
“yes. wait, what exactly do you mean when you ask that question?”
I asked because he could have been referring to me paying all my bills, depositing into my Roth IRA, etc.
He laughed and told me they’re done raising me and that at this point I knew.
Sometimes I forget.
I speak to my parents regularly and never need a reason to call them - call just to call. If time slips by and I don’t call my mother will call me just to remind me I have a mother.
“Ya se te olvido que tienes una mama?”
I find that hilarious.
My dad likes to tell me they love and miss me. He also likes to ask me how I am behaving.
“De has portado bien?”
“yes. wait, what exactly do you mean when you ask that question?”
I asked because he could have been referring to me paying all my bills, depositing into my Roth IRA, etc.
He laughed and told me they’re done raising me and that at this point I knew.
Sometimes I forget.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Back
These past few weeks my mind has been racing as I wonder what happens next. I've neglected myself and the blog, but I can't do that anymore. I'm currently putting together blog topics and drafting posts to keep it going.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Caught in the rain
DC is a great city that I would love if only it had better weather.
So far this summer it has rained on a weekly basis. Sometimes at least three times a week.
I know some might think that's nothing, but I'm from the west coast where the weather is great 300 days out of the year.
If water falls on me I melt!! Ok, not really.
I'm just moody because for the second time in two weeks I got caught in the rain. This morning the weather was great, and I opted to go outside and run errands. Didn't even think about bringing an umbrella.
On my way home I exit the metro and it's pouring, and I'm wearing a white top.
So far this summer it has rained on a weekly basis. Sometimes at least three times a week.
I know some might think that's nothing, but I'm from the west coast where the weather is great 300 days out of the year.
If water falls on me I melt!! Ok, not really.
I'm just moody because for the second time in two weeks I got caught in the rain. This morning the weather was great, and I opted to go outside and run errands. Didn't even think about bringing an umbrella.
On my way home I exit the metro and it's pouring, and I'm wearing a white top.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Enjoying Breakfast at Tiffany's
You can laugh at me (my roommate does), but I admit I love the movie “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and the song “moon river”. I’m by far not as glamorous or fashionable as Audrey Hepburn, but there were always themes that I related to since I first saw the movie.
One might wonder “what does a Latina have in common with a young white girl living in NYC that she can relate?” It’s not easy, but I’ll try my best to explain.
In the movie, Audrey Hepburn played Holly Golightly, a young woman transplanted in the city, trying to find her place in the world. The character finds herself always running...from herself. Trust me I’ve tried, but I can’t run fast enough to get away from myself. I moved to DC knowing only one soul, and with no job secured! Only God knows what he has planned for me, and I’ll keep moving till I get there.
There is the central theme of one’s struggle between the need for stability and the desire for freedom.
- I’ve always had stability, even while growing up in the military and moving every three years my parents made sure we had stability and a constant home. Even if that constant home was in Mexico.
- Yet with all my parents efforts to provide stability I always felt trapped, limited with the desire, hunger for something more. I wanted excitement. I wanted adventure. I wanted the world.
- Today I look for my place in this world. For my own adventure. My own story. I don’t want to look back and regret not having tried.
The theme surrounding the sense that one doesn’t belong because we don’t meet the mainstream’s norm - yes I know I don’t - bring the saying “ni de aqui ni de alla” to mind. Many know the feeling of growing up in this country that we are neither from “here nor there”. For me I was too American to be considered Mexican in Mexico, and in the US I was too Mexican to be considered American or “mainstream American” in the US. Therefore I am not at home...yet.
Then you have me. On the outside quirky, fun, slightly off the norm girl you want to hang out or party with when the opportunity arises, yet deep down she’s scared, alone and trying to fit in and find her place in this world without losing herself. When the party is over everyone leaves and one is left alone to pick up and salvage what's not broken. Only those who have stuck around after seeing me when I am vulnerable are my closest loved ones and true friends. For you I am greatful and blessed to have in my life. I only hope to be able to be there for you when you need someone to hold you up.
(BTW - this was posted after a few glasses of wine so please forgive the grammatical errors)
Lyrics to Moon River
Moon River, wider than a mile:
I'm crossin' you in style someday.
Oh dreammaker, you heartbreaker,
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin'your way.
Two drifters, off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end,
Waitin' round the bend,
My huckleberry friend, Moon River and me.
One might wonder “what does a Latina have in common with a young white girl living in NYC that she can relate?” It’s not easy, but I’ll try my best to explain.
In the movie, Audrey Hepburn played Holly Golightly, a young woman transplanted in the city, trying to find her place in the world. The character finds herself always running...from herself. Trust me I’ve tried, but I can’t run fast enough to get away from myself. I moved to DC knowing only one soul, and with no job secured! Only God knows what he has planned for me, and I’ll keep moving till I get there.
There is the central theme of one’s struggle between the need for stability and the desire for freedom.
- I’ve always had stability, even while growing up in the military and moving every three years my parents made sure we had stability and a constant home. Even if that constant home was in Mexico.
- Yet with all my parents efforts to provide stability I always felt trapped, limited with the desire, hunger for something more. I wanted excitement. I wanted adventure. I wanted the world.
- Today I look for my place in this world. For my own adventure. My own story. I don’t want to look back and regret not having tried.
The theme surrounding the sense that one doesn’t belong because we don’t meet the mainstream’s norm - yes I know I don’t - bring the saying “ni de aqui ni de alla” to mind. Many know the feeling of growing up in this country that we are neither from “here nor there”. For me I was too American to be considered Mexican in Mexico, and in the US I was too Mexican to be considered American or “mainstream American” in the US. Therefore I am not at home...yet.
Then you have me. On the outside quirky, fun, slightly off the norm girl you want to hang out or party with when the opportunity arises, yet deep down she’s scared, alone and trying to fit in and find her place in this world without losing herself. When the party is over everyone leaves and one is left alone to pick up and salvage what's not broken. Only those who have stuck around after seeing me when I am vulnerable are my closest loved ones and true friends. For you I am greatful and blessed to have in my life. I only hope to be able to be there for you when you need someone to hold you up.
(BTW - this was posted after a few glasses of wine so please forgive the grammatical errors)
Lyrics to Moon River
Moon River, wider than a mile:
I'm crossin' you in style someday.
Oh dreammaker, you heartbreaker,
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin'your way.
Two drifters, off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end,
Waitin' round the bend,
My huckleberry friend, Moon River and me.
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